Episode 37 - "Anniversary" |
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BEGIN TRANSMISSION (Opening theme & titles) TANSUT: Greetings, this is Tansut, welcoming you to the first ever Space Ghost Coast to Coast 37th show anniversary celebration spectacular-mathon. Tonight, funny man Bobcat Goldthwait, and funny woman Judy Tenuta. And now, your friend and mine, that ghost host with the most, Spaaace Ghooost! SPACE GHOST: (invisos in, coughing) Greetings, TV-watching citizens! I am Space Ghost, and I'm tickled pink to be here! ZORAK: Tickled stupid, you mean. SPACE GHOST: (stares at Zorak, sniffs) Before we begin, let me introduce you to the director of tonight's festivities, that fabulous hot rock himself, Moltar! AUDIENCE: (applause) MOLTAR: Hey, don't get up, really. SPACE GHOST: And, over here, we have my band leader, and indentured mantis-servant, Zorak, and the Original Way Outs! (Way Outs play a synthesized excerpt from "William Tell Overature") And we'd like to welcome you to... (takes deep breath) The first ever Space Ghost anniversary spectacular-mathon, uh, show. ZORAK: Whoop de doodle do! SPACE GHOST: You know, kids, tonight is a special notch in the belt that is the Space Ghost saga. ZORAK: Ehhh, Space Ghost, what anniversary is this, anyway? SPACE GHOST: Weren't you listening, Zorak? It's my 37th show anniversary! (smile sparkles) ZORAK: I never heard of anybody celebrating their 37th anniversary before! It's dopey. SPACE GHOST: It's not dopey! It's our 37th show! That's an anniversary, right? Darn tootin' it is! So, hap-hap-happy anniversary it is, and shut up Zorak, because you're not gonna rain on my charade. TANSUT: Well, I don't know what I'm doing here, either. ZORAK: (looks around) SPACE GHOST: (looks around) TANSUT: (in recording booth, behind a window) They called me twenty minutes ago, shoved these notes in my hand, what do they expect? (microphone feedback increases in volume) Buncha morons! MOLTAR: Uh, Tansut? TANSUT: Let 'em fire me, I don't care. MOLTAR: Tansut? TANSUT: What? MOLTAR: Uh, your mike's on, man. TANSUT: Ohhhhh, fluff! Nobody showed me how to do this! (feedback increases again) (finally turns microphone off) SPACE GHOST: Oh-kay! Let's get on with it, shall we? (invisos to desk, with new music) (Ding dong!) Say, I wonder who that could be? MOLTAR: It's your first anniversary guest, Space Ghost, funny lady Judy Tenuta (she appears on control room monitor) JUDY TENUTA: I'm ready, honey! SPACE GHOST: Judy! Welcome back to the show! JUDY TENUTA: Oh-h-h-h-h-h! Space Ghost! I'm so excited! SPACE GHOST: Me too! ZORAK: Oooh! Me too! SPACE GHOST: So, Judy gal, what have you been doing since I last saw you? JUDY TENUTA: Oh! Space Ghost, as you know, I rule the western hemisphere! SPACE GHOST: That's nice, must keep you busy. JUDY TENUTA: (plays accordion and sings) I rule, I rule, I rule. SPACE GHOST: Uh, Judy... JUDY TENUTA: Yeah!? SPACE GHOST: Stuff a sock in it, Tenuta. JUDY TENUTA: (dances with accordion, to weird background sound) SPACE GHOST: Judy, I've asked you to come back to celebrate my anniversary with me! Now, celebrate! JUDY TENUTA: Ohhh... SPACE GHOST: Don't sing, Judy. JUDY TENUTA: (plays accordion and sings) Happy anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, Spaaaace Ghost! Oh-h-h-h-h-h! (spins around) SPACE GHOST: (grimaces) JUDY TENUTA: Look at this! (swings her accordion up with her chest, then sits down) ZORAK: Must I? JUDY TENUTA: I can make myself invisible. You cannot see me now! (puts her hands in front of her face) SPACE GHOST: Uh, yes I can. JUDY TENUTA: No-o-o-o-o! You cannot... SPACE GHOST: Yes I can! (aims his power bands at monitor) JUDY TENUTA: No! His rays cannot harm me, no-o-o! SPACE GHOST: (lowers his power bands, sighs) JUDY TENUTA: (shaking her head back and forth, singing) Hair dance, hair dance, don't be a square, dance! Hair dance! SPACE GHOST: (stares back silently) JUDY TENUTA: (full face on monitor, puckering for Space Ghost) (Smoooooch!) SPACE GHOST: Hmmm. Okay, I think it's time for Judy Jetson here to blast off. MOLTAR: Gotcha. (throws lever to send her away) JUDY TENUTA: (still on studio monitor) Oh, you pig! SPACE GHOST: Aaah! Moltar! MOLTAR: I know, I know. (throws more levers, control room monitor changes several times, finally shows Tansut's booth) TANSUT: Uh, excuse me. Are we going to commercial now? SPACE GHOST: No! TANSUT: Oh, sorry, don't mind me. (Moltar throws lever, control room monitor shows static) SPACE GHOST: (Ding dong!) Aha! Our next guest! (sniff sniff sniff sniff) Hey! I smell evil! MOLTAR: Space Ghost... CHAD GHOSTAL: (evil laugh) MOLTAR: ... It's your evil twin brother. SPACE GHOST: Aaaaah! Can't talk, Chad, I have a hernia! CHAD GHOSTAL: Hey hey, relax, baby, like, I'm not here to spread terror. ZORAK: Rats! CHAD GHOSTAL: I just wanted to swing by and check out the old Ghost Pad. You know, I had a real blast the last time I saw you, Taddles. A real blast. (evil laugh) SPACE GHOST: Yeah, I bet you did. You and that creepy Elvira woman, pawwing each other. Yuck! CHAD GHOSTAL: Oh, forget that chick, Taddy Bear, I already did. I'm looking for some new action, you dig? Some new kicks, know what I mean, butterbean? SPACE GHOST: Not a whiff, Chad. CHAD GHOSTAL: Then let me clue ya, Tadville. I want to host the show again. (evil laugh) SPACE GHOST: Oh no, no no no no no! CHAD GHOSTAL: Okay Tad, be that way. Now I'm glad I left that surprise for you in your futon this morning. (evil laugh) B'da b'da! (evil laugh) SPACE GHOST: Oh, that was you, huh? CHAD GHOSTAL: Well, I'll be in touch. Later, cats 'n kittens! (purrs) (barks) Moltar & ZORAK: (in unison) Bye, Chad! ZORAK: I like your brother. SPACE GHOST: You do not! JUDY TENUTA: (reappears on monitor) Look at my cheekbones! SPACE GHOST: Aaaaah! Moltar, break! TANSUT: (groans) Ten pounds of sausage in a five pound sack! MOLTAR: Tansut! TANSUT: Oh, uh, coming up next, more stuff! INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION RESUME TRANSMISSION TANSUT: (sings) Welcome back! (normal voice) Oooh! Hey! I nailed that one! SPACE GHOST: (Ding dong!) What now, Birdman? MOLTAR: Relax, man, it's Bobcat. He's cool. (Bobcat is on control room monitor, waves at Moltar) SPACE GHOST: Ladies and gentlemen, it's special anniversary guest Bobcat Goldthwait. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: I tell ya, it's really been great here, to be back here, Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: It's great to have you. So, it's my 37th show anniversary, Bobcat. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: You should slap yourself on the back. ZORAK: He should slap himself in the face. SPACE GHOST: (slaps himself in the face) BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: (laugh, then shrieking laugh, then starts to cry) SPACE GHOST: So, Bob-a-rella, did ya bring me anything special for my anniversary? BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Oh, I brought you many things. (pause) SPACE GHOST: (smiles at camera) BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: I'm lyin', man, what can I get ya, you don't even wear slacks or trousers or pants, you know... SPACE GHOST: Oh, that's okay, just as long as you don't sing me a stupid song or anything. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: (starts making gibbering noises, shaking his head back and forth) MOLTAR: Look out, I think he's gonna sing! SPACE GHOST: He's not gonna sing, Moltar. You're.. not gonna sing, are you, Bobcat? BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Yes I am. SPACE GHOST: Ohhh brother. ZORAK: Sing! Sing, you fool! Sing like a maniac! (shakes his arm) BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Okay. (takes a deep breath, then shouts) SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST, AGH AGH AGH AGH AGH! SPACE GHOST: (sighs) BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Could you buy the sincerity of that? Yeah, I, it really worked for me. ZORAK: Hmmmm, it had a good beat, and I could kill you to it. I give it a 75. (holding a sign with "75") BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna get up, and I'm gonna dope-slap that bug. MOLTAR: Fine! Fine! SPACE GHOST: Be my guest, Bobcat! Dope-slap away! BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Zorak, I'm gonna dope-slap ya! ZORAK: (mocking) O-o-o-o-h, I'm so frightened! BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: (makes face at Zorak) (to Space Ghost) How did you get a show with a cricket? ZORAK: I'm a loc-, er, mantis! BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Apparently, in, somewhere in show business, you shoulda went paper instead of scissors. ZORAK: Yeah, look who's talking, the talk show arsonist! BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: I'm serious, I will, I will clean that bug's clock so fast! SPACE GHOST: Zorak! BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: You just tell him that, I, I, I personally put two of the Bugaloos in the hospital. SPACE GHOST: I think he heard you. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: (exaggerated wink) SPACE GHOST: Um, look, Bobby-cat, I apologize about the bug. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Alright. Yah-yah-yah-yah-yah-yah-yah! SPACE GHOST: I try to make him behave, but... BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: (looks to his right) Am I done, is that enough community service? (looks front and nods) SPACE GHOST: (sighs) Any last words of anniversary wisdom for the little people at home? BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah. (pounds fist into his palm) You gotta make your own fun, Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: Great. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: You gotta make your own fun. SPACE GHOST: I tried to make my own fun, look what it got me! Happy anniversary to me! BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: (sticks his tongue out at Space Ghost) SPACE GHOST: Whoop de doo. Moltar, are we done? MOLTAR: Uh, we still got that cheap clip thing. SPACE GHOST: That's right! This should be great, folks. It's a sparkling career retrospective to me! Space Ghost! Roll 'em! MOLTAR: (throws lever, countdown begins) (Title screen shows: "OUR MAN SPACE GHOST / THE DIRECTOR'S CUT", followed by numerous "Space Ghost" cartoon clips of him getting blasted, pounded, frozen, slammed, by numerous enemies) MOLTAR: (laughs) ZORAK: (laughs) SPACE GHOST: That was no sparkling tribute! That was terrible! That was... yuck! What in the name of Vic Tayback was that? MOLTAR: A montage. SPACE GHOST: (French voice) Montage! French, hah? Well, that explains that, no, Moltar? (normal voice) Those French, they ruin everything! I mean, you give them an entire Disneyland, and they can't even make a dime off it. Even purple-butted baboons couldn't screw up a Disneyland! Hmmm! I tell ya, one day I oughta do somethin' about them French. ZORAK: (French voice) I dare you! I double dare you! SPACE GHOST: Okay, I will! See if I don't! (flies off) BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: (still making faces on the monitor) (Phantom Cruiser flying in space) SPACE GHOST: (in cockpit) Ruin my anniversary, will ya? (Night scene of Paris, Eiffel Tower in center) VOICE: (with French accent) Look out! It is zee Space Ghost! (Phantom Cruiser ray blasts city) SPACE GHOST: Take that, you cheese eaters! (Blasts city again, crisps Eiffel tower; blast city around Arc de Triomphe, city is in flames, people are screaming) ZORAK: (French voice) Well, zat ees zat! Au reservoir, mon-sewers! MOLTAR: Bon soir! (throws lever, clip of Space Ghost being pounded into the ground reappears on monitor; title: Fin) (Credits roll) (French accordion music in background) TANSUT: (in French voice) You've been watching the Space Ghost Anniversary Spectacular-mathon, celebrating thirty-seven or so episodes of talk show whatchamacallit. From all of us here, to all of you, bon oui, what you say, a good night. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: (shrieking laugh) |