Episode 46 - "Needledrop" |
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BEGIN TRANSMISSION (Space Ghost and Zorak are dining, classical music plays in the background) ZORAK: Mmm! These watercress sandwiches are splendid! SPACE GHOST: Do you like them? I made them with extra water. ZORAK: So that's the secret! SPACE GHOST: I've composed some light verse to accompany our reverie. Shall I recite it? ZORAK: That would be divine. SPACE GHOST: A bug on a rug Drank from a mug. I felt a tug. (pause, squeaks mug) Give me a hug. ZORAK: I adore the rhyme scheme. SPACE GHOST: Let us engage in a spirited philosophical debate. Is morality an absolute or a relative societal construct? ZORAK: It's absolute. You're either good, or evil. SPACE GHOST: There are no absolutes, the cold hand of science has shown us that. (sips from his mug) My friend, it appears we disagree. ZORAK: Then let us agree to disagree. (laughs) SPACE GHOST: Well stated. A toast, to civility and restraint. MOLTAR: More tea, m'lady? ZORAK: Why, yes, how lovely. (sips from his mug) SPACE GHOST: Moltar, where are the cakes? The dainty cakes. MOLTAR: Dainty cakes? SPACE GHOST: Where are they? MOLTAR: I bought 'em! I had 'em in the car! I, I swear! Sh- she handed 'em right to me. I, I had the dainty cakes right in the car! Nooooo!!!! (Screen morphs back to Moltar in control room) MOLTAR: (wakes up, panting) Ooooh, what a nightmare! (Opening theme & titles) SPACE GHOST: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Here's the deal. I've got a behind, it's super-heroic, and I'm about to shake it. ZORAK: I'd rather you didn't. MOLTAR: Why are we even doing this? SPACE GHOST: Evil villains, stand down from the funk. Tonight, I'm gonna tear it up, and break it down, with my favorite extended dance mixes. MOLTAR: That still doesn't answer the question. SPACE GHOST: Come on, Moltar, all the kids are dancin'! (high funky voice, with echo) It's electrifyin'! (end echo) Now put the needle on the record. MOLTAR: (grumbles to himself, throws lever; needle drops to record, dance music plays) SPACE GHOST: It's time for my (high voice) Soooooo-looo Dance Party. (neon-style titles superimposed on screen: SOLO DANCE PARTY) Y'all ready for this? (dances at his desk) Come on, come on! ZORAK: (glares at Space Ghost) SPACE GHOST: Come on, Zorak, this is outta sight, man! ZORAK: You dance like a woman. SPACE GHOST: (record scratch sound, music stops) I dance like a woman, if she were a man. ZORAK: Well, you got me there. SPACE GHOST: I command all viewers to welcome my first guests, Mr.Ice-T and Mr. Ernie-C. Together, they're my first guests. (Monitor lowers with Ice-T and Ernie-C) ICE-T: Greetings! ERNIE-C: Hello, how are you? ICE-T: What's up, Space? SPACE GHOST: Space is up, T, way up! And, way out! Observe my outer space jig! Moltar? MOLTAR: (grumbles again, throws lever, needle drops again, more dance music) SPACE GHOST: (doing funky hand moves) E-lec-tronic, au-to-matic. How d'ya like this action, Ice-T? ICE-T: It's all good, Space baby. SPACE GHOST: (dancing again) Yeah, they never let me do this in the action show. (Screen morph flashback to original Space Ghost cartoon) SPACE GHOST: I have vanquished you, lizard slavers. And now, behold the pelvic gyrations of my victory boogie. (dance music starts, Space Ghost boogies) LIZARD SLAVER 1: No, please, not the victory boogie! LIZARD SLAVER 2: The cosmic gyrations will destroy the ship! (Rest of lizard slavers hold their hands to their heads and scream) SPACE GHOST: Doin' the butt! Heyyy... pret-tay, pret-tay! (Screen morphs back to Space Ghost at his desk) SPACE GHOST: Oh, Iced Tea, you are a sweet and refreshing beverage. ICE-T: I am very sweet and refreshin'. (laughs) SPACE GHOST: I'm not talkin' about you, I'm speaking in general. ICE-T: That's right. ERNIE-C: Very cool, very cool. ICE-T: What's up, Zorak? My man. ZORAK: (eyes swirling, with eerie sound effects; tries to control Ice-T's mind) (Ice-T! You will hook up Zorak with some fly honeys!) ICE-T: (appears to be in a trance) SPACE GHOST: Ice-T. Ice-T. Wake up! ICE-T: That was cool, Zorak, that was cool, hit me 'gain, that was cool. ZORAK: Just remember what I said. SPACE GHOST: Want me to blast the little pit spawn? ICE-T: That's how you do, Space Ghost, you just go around killin' and blastin' ... ERNIE-C: (laughs) ICE-T: Space Ghost, just don't blast us! SPACE GHOST: Why not? It's electrifyin'. ICE-T: Do Ernie. SPACE GHOST: Oh, okay. (aims power bands) ERNIE-C: Ho-, ho-, hold... SPACE GHOST: I'm only playing, I'm only playing. What are you, you're mad at me now. ERNIE-C: No, no, I don't even like the word "destructo". (laughs) SPACE GHOST: Free-style for me, Ice Ice baby. ICE-T: You see my name's SG, and the place to be, representin' with Ice-T and Ernie-C. SPACE GHOST: (raps badly) Why I'm SG, and it's plain to see, that I'm SG, and my name is SG. ICE-T: (laughs) That was cool. ERNIE-C: That was interestin'. ZORAK: (eyes swirling again, with sound effects, etc.) (Just a little mental note...) ICE-T: Hmm? ZORAK: (Reminding you about those fly honeys.) ICE-T: Zorak was messin' with my brain again, what're you do... SPACE GHOST: Hey, Ice-T, check it, buddy. (dances again, panting, humming to himself. Ice-T, Ernie-C and Zorak stare at him) ICE-T: Come on, Ghost, come on, man, you gotta, you gotta do better'n that. SPACE GHOST: Don't take that tone of voice with me, young man! ICE-T: Yes, sir. ERNIE-C: Yes. SPACE GHOST: Hey, Moltar! Kick it! MOLTAR: (throws lever, rock music plays) ERNIE-C: I hear somethin'. ZORAK: Oooh, this rocks! SPACE GHOST: Hold on, I can't dance to this. ZORAK: Play it backwards! SPACE GHOST: No, don't! Something scary could happen! MOLTAR: (throws lever, music starts playing backwards; a ghost flies out of his monitor) Eaaaaah! A ghost! (runs away) SPACE GHOST: Moltar, what's goin' on? (Ghost flies out of control room) SPACE GHOST: (talking to Moltar, who is standing next to his desk) What's wrong? MOLTAR: I wanna be out here with you. ZORAK: He's frightened of ghosts! MOLTAR: (whimpering) Moltar fears nothing! Nothing! ZORAK: He fears what he cannot understand. SPACE GHOST: That ghost isn't gonna hurt you. ICE-T: Bring him in here so I can smack 'em. MOLTAR: But... but... ERNIE-C: One time. SPACE GHOST: See, Mr. T and his friend Ernie aren't afraid of the ghost. ZORAK: Yeah, Moltar, it just wants to possess your soul! MOLTAR: (as ghost flies by) No!! ICE-T: (to ghost) Peace, ghost. (waves) SPACE GHOST: Get outta here! MOLTAR: No! Wha!! ZORAK: (evil laugh) SPACE GHOST: You don't have to be crazy to work here... (punchline intro music) But it helps! (punchline outro music) Stop it! INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION RESUME TRANSMISSION SPACE GHOST: (to Moltar, in control room) But I keep telling you, I'm a ghost, you're not afraid of me, are you? MOLTAR: Arggh, no! I hate you, hate and fear are two different things. SPACE GHOST: (floating, makes "scary" sound) Aaaaaaaaaaaaa! Are you frightened? MOLTAR: Uh, no. I think I just told you, I hate you? ZORAK: (on control room monitor) Hey, what, are you guys slow dancin' in there? I wanna go home. (monitor shows text:) CAM 02 ICE-MAN. PLEASE. RAPPIN DAZ- DANCIN MACHINE SPACE GHOST: (invisos back to desk, lounge music is playing) Yes, as a matter of fact, we were. And speaking of were, please welcome funny man Fred Willard. FRED WILLARD: (appears on monitor) My name is Fred Willard, and in earth terms, I am an actor, and, uh, I've been in some movies and television series... SPACE GHOST: Let's talk about your days at "Real People." Now, there's a show! FRED WILLARD: Oh, yeah, now, now that was fun. SPACE GHOST: How did you determine if a person was real or an android? MOLTAR: Yeah, did you rip their face off and check their circuitry? FRED WILLARD: Uh, this is getting a little technical for me... SPACE GHOST: Then let's change the subject to me. You know, I'm a superhero... FRED WILLARD: That's right, and I, I, you are a hero, and I always wanted to play a, a hero. And I think, I think I played a hero once, I think I played Batman in a stage revue in Chicago... SPACE GHOST: I won't have that man's name mentioned on my show! He still owes me for that dinner I bought him at R. J. McGoodtimes. (quietly) I oughta tell everybody he's Bruce Wayne. FRED WILLARD: Oh dear, okay. MOLTAR: Tansut, you hear that? Batman's Bruce Wayne! TANSUT: Wow! You think you know a guy. ZORAK: (eyes swirling yet again, with sound effects, etc.) (Fred Willard, you will hook Zorak up with some fly...) Ih... Never mind. SPACE GHOST: Fred, I got a notion to put my butt in motion. Moltar!! (monitor shows text:) SEARCHING WHAT'S MINE MOLTAR: (pulls lever, disco music plays) SPACE GHOST: (dances again) Come on, Fred, sing along! FRED WILLARD: I'm game, I'm up for it. (music stops) MOLTAR: (rustling noise) Whaa!! SPACE GHOST: Moltar! What's happening now? MOLTAR: The ghost is back! (Ghost flies to Zorak's keyboard pod) ZORAK: Stop scrunchin' me! This is my work area! (Ghost flies through Zorak & flies off) Hey! You got my soul! Gimme back my soul! (bounces off after ghost) SPACE GHOST: Say, I'll bet Zorak doesn't have a "ghost" of a chance (punch line music). Get it, Fred? FRED WILLARD: Sure, sure. Now, we're not gonna be, beamed back to earth without mentioning my movie, are we? SPACE GHOST: It's all about you, isn't it, Fred? FRED WILLARD: Uh... (smiles) SPACE GHOST: Well... FRED WILLARD: Well, it takes place in this small, uh, midwestern town, and we're a small time amateur theatrical group that puts on... (Zorak walks in front of the camera; Fred continues to talk in the background, but is drowned out by Space Ghost and Zorak) SPACE GHOST: Back already, Zorak? Did you get your soul back? ZORAK: (mocking) No, I didn't. Did you get your brain back? SPACE GHOST: That's your worst line ever. ZORAK: Thanks. FRED WILLARD: ... and we find out this gentleman called Guffman may come to see us from uh, Broadway producers, I think it comes out in January, and I think you'll enjoy it. SPACE GHOST: (pause) Ah ha!! Now that's an anecdote! FRED WILLARD: Uh, which one? ZORAK: (spooky sounds) He's baaaack! SPACE GHOST: Away with you, spirit! Hang on a minute, Fred. FRED WILLARD: That's fine, that's fine. I'm in no hurry. SPACE GHOST: There's only room for one ghost in this studio, and it's not the ghost that's not me! FRED WILLARD: Alright. SPACE GHOST: (blasts ghost with destructo ray; a note flutters to the ground at Space Ghost's feet) Holy Schnikes! That ghost was carrying a note! (picks up note) It says: (sniff) I just wanted to shake it. One time. (sniff) Sincerely, A Ghost. FRED WILLARD: Oh! MOLTAR: (mock sincerity) If I'd known that, maybe I wouldn't have been so scared. ZORAK: (distraught) I never got my fly honeys! (gets big anime eyes & cries; his tear sizzles when it hits the ground) SPACE GHOST: Fred Willard, this is all your fault! I order you to give the ghost a touching eulogy. FRED WILLARD: Ah! And, um, yes, he's done a lot of wonderful... stuff, am I saying the right thing? SPACE GHOST: Eh, who cares? Let's dance! Moltar! Hit me with another one of those block rockin' beats! MOLTAR: (pulls lever, disco music plays, monitor shows text:) SHOE BEGIN FEET END SPACE GHOST: (dances again; Fred looks disgusted, then credits roll) Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! (over and over and over) (Credits roll) MOLTAR: The only thing that scares me more than ghosts is coming to terms with my grief. TANSUT: Oh, suck it up, fatty! SPACE GHOST: (groan) |