Episode 49 - "Untitled" |
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BEGIN TRANSMISSION (Erik Estrada is on control room monitor, putting on make-up. As Moltar speaks, monitor shows text:) 02.09.80 TOW TRUCK LADY (followed by:) 09.21.80 GO CART TERROR MOLTAR: Um, uh, Erik, um, Hi, um, I'm, I'm Moltar, and, um, I, I really like your show, you know, that, that "CHiPs" show? Where, where you guys, like, wreck all that stuff, all the cars... ERIK ESTRADA: (to make-up person) Got any rouge? MOLTAR: Connie! Get in there and get that man some rouge! This is Erik Estrada, fer cryin' out loud! (monitor shows text:) 01.10.82 TIGER IN THE STREETS MOLTAR: I've gotta do it all around here. Yup, I'm the captain of this show. That's enough, Connie, he's not a clown! (monitor shows text:) 04.18.82 ICE CREAM MAN ERIK ESTRADA: Thank you. Hi, Moltar. (winks) MOLTAR: (laughs) You're the man, Erik! You and me, we got a thing goin'. We like each other! ERIK ESTRADA: Uh, thanks. (laughs) MOLTAR: (laughs)(monitor shows text:) 10.17.82 TIGHT FIT (Opening theme & titles) SPACE GHOST: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space G- MOLTAR: Go to the desk! SPACE GHOST: (surprised) Okay. (invisos to desk) Uh, what now? MOLTAR: Erik Estrada, Poncharello, the CHiPs-master! (monitor shows text:) 10.07.78 DISASTER SQUAD MOLTAR: Here he is, now! (sends Erik to studio monitor) Aw-riiiiight!Woo hoo hoo hoo... SPACE GHOST: (blasts monitor with his power bands, George Clinton takes Erik's place) Cut it out, Moltar, that music guy is first. MOLTAR: Aaaa! (throws lever, Erik returns) Ponch is first! SPACE GHOST: (blasts monitor again) Music guy! MOLTAR: (throws lever again) Erik! SPACE GHOST: (blasts monitor again) Music guy! MOLTAR: (throws lever again) Erik! (monitor shows text:) 02.03.79 RALLY 'ROUND THE BANK SPACE GHOST: Hey! Where's Zorak? ZORAK: (rises from center of keyboard pod, on an elevator platform) I was, just doing something. Down there. Without you. SPACE GHOST: (stares at Zorak, then blasts monitor again and again) Music guy, music guy, music guy, music guy! MOLTAR: (throws lever again and again, monitor shows text:) 12.14.80 SATAN'S ANGELS MOLTAR: Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik! SPACE GHOST: Hey, my show, my show! MOLTAR: (grumbles, sends George to studio monitor) SPACE GHOST: Now just settle down, we'll get to Erik. (quietly to himself) When the earth cools. (normal voice) Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Funkenstien himself, Mr. George Clinton! GEORGE CLINTON: Roof, roof, roof, how ya doin? MOLTAR: (sends Erik back to monitor) That was great, bring on Erik. SPACE GHOST: Hey! I just started here. MOLTAR: I thought you were done!(monitor shows text:) 10.24.82 THE SPACEMAN MADE ME DO IT SPACE GHOST: Gimme back George Clinton! MOLTAR: No, I dropped him. ZORAK: (laughs) Good move! MOLTAR: And he broke. So there. SPACE GHOST: (stares at Zorak) Aren't you busy with something? ZORAK: Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me. (lowers on elevator platform in his keyboard pod) See ya later. SPACE GHOST: What's he doin'? ZORAK: (shadows flicker, sounds of flames in background) (Oooooh, look at all that human hair! Cool!) SPACE GHOST: (listens to wolf howling, changing to dog barking, while monitor shows text:) 11.10.77 GREEEN THUMB BURGLAR (followed by:) 03.01.81 PONCH'S ANGELS, PART II SPACE GHOST: Who owns that dog? (more barking) And where's that music guy!? MOLTAR: (makes "I dunno" noise) SPACE GHOST: Send him out, Moltar! (monitor shows text:) 01.11.81 FORTY TONS OF TROUBLE MOLTAR: No. SPACE GHOST: Send him out, Moltar! MOLTAR: No. SPACE GHOST: Send him out, Moltar! MOLTAR: No. SPACE GHOST: Send him out, Moltar! MOLTAR: No. SPACE GHOST: Send him out, Moltar! MOLTAR: No. SPACE GHOST: I'm not gonna tell you again! MOLTAR: Uh-uh SPACE GHOST: I'm telling you, I'm not gonna tell you again! I am telling you, I am not gonna tell you again!!! (While Space Ghost talks, monitor shows text:) 02.09.78 HITCH-HIKING HITCH MOLTAR: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no... SPACE GHOST: Tiiiiime ouuuuut! MOLTAR: Aw man! (walks off) SPACE GHOST: And you will stay in 'time out' until I am done with the funkmaster. I'm really sorry, George, Moltar's got this Estrada problem. ZORAK: (wearing a Howard Cosell-like toupee) Yeah, he wants to shake his hand, and then pull it up to his mouth real quick, so he can kiss it. SPACE GHOST: (to George) That's Zorak. GEORGE CLINTON: Oh, I was wonderin' who was that guy... SPACE GHOST: Look at him, he's got a full head of hair. GEORGE CLINTON: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that toupee look funny. ZORAK: What toupee? This is my natural hair. GEORGE CLINTON: Oh, that, that figures, that was fake. ZORAK: This is the ancient hair from a young king's tomb. It gives me... the power... SPACE GHOST: The power to do what? ZORAK: Oh... stuff. SPACE GHOST: What kind of stuff? ZORAK: Powerful stuff! (evil laugh) GEORGE CLINTON: Oh, he has a good ??? on top of his head, that's a nice trick. SPACE GHOST: No trick Zorak plays is ever nice. Watch as I destroy him! GEORGE CLINTON: I kinda figured you would do that. SPACE GHOST: (blasts Zorak) ZORAK: (coughs) I paid forty dollars for that rug! SPACE GHOST: And look what it got you. ZORAK: The king will be very disappointed. SPACE GHOST: King like that don't need hair. Speaking of hair, what's up with your 'do? GEORGE CLINTON: Oh, my 'do. Well, what comes around, went that way. And I can get around, you know what I'm sayin'? SPACE GHOST: No. I wear a hood. GEORGE CLINTON: You wear a 'hood? I, I live in a 'hood. You have a 'hood, yeah, but how would I wear a 'hood? SPACE GHOST: It's not hard. I take an entire neighborhood, put it on my head and dance around where the neighborhood used to be. The people who live in the neighborhood are terrified by my hopping, and some of them fall off my head and are trampled. It is then that the dance becomes a dance of sadness. GEORGE CLINTON: Why are you tellin' me this? SPACE GHOST: Because I care about the innocent victims of my ill-advised dance of joy. GEORGE CLINTON: Oh... SPACE GHOST: Fries don't come with that deadly shake. GEORGE CLINTON: (laughing) Shake like that don't need fries. (Light and eerie music emanate from Zorak's pod; he stares at the flames) MOLTAR: (off-screen) Can I come out now? I've been very good! SPACE GHOST: Have you learned your lesson? (monitor shows text:) 01.02.83 DAY OF THE ROBOT MOLTAR: You mean, don't go strippin' in the woods? SPACE GHOST: That's a good lesson, Moltar, albeit not exactly the lesson I had... (monitor shows text:) 01.05.78 ONE TWO MANY MOLTAR: I'm comin' out. SPACE GHOST: Oh, all right. MOLTAR: (walks up to control room monitor) What's this joker still doin' here? (monitor shows text:) 09.16.78 PEAKS AND VALLEYS GEORGE CLINTON: Go forth and funk, my child. MOLTAR: Funk this, you wookie! (throws lever, replaces George with Erik) SPACE GHOST: This is nuts. (invisos to control room, monitor shows text:) 02.23.78 CRASH DIET SPACE GHOST: Bring him back, Moltar! MOLTAR: Let go of the lever. SPACE GHOST: You let go of the lever! MOLTAR: I'm serious. Let go. SPACE GHOST: No, you let go! MOLTAR: Let go. SPACE GHOST: I said, let go! (As Space Ghost and Moltar throw the lever back and forth, the monitor switches between Estrada and Clinton, along with various other pictures, including a full screen of mirrored text, which includes the line "imagining Zorak Deck") MOLTAR: I said, let go! (Amongst the images on the monitor are the hallway from the show opening, and the Cartoon Network Productions Jack-in-the-box logo from the end.) SPACE GHOST: I said, let go! MOLTAR: I said it, too! SPACE GHOST: Gimme that lever, I'm gonna... ZORAK: (in his subterranean cavern) (The breach of peace, fueled by a sprinkle of pandemonium. The vultures have come.) SPACE GHOST: If you don't let go of that lever right now, I'm going to punch you in the nose! MOLTAR: I don't have a nose! SPACE GHOST: Ooooh, you don't? MOLTAR: I have a cadmium alloy inhalant receptacle. SPACE GHOST: Oh... uh, well, then I'll... kick you in the hands! MOLTAR: No, please, not the hands! SPACE GHOST: Here I go, kicking you in the hands! MOLTAR: Ow. (Space Ghost and Moltar go at it, rock 'em sock 'em style) SPACE GHOST: Put your hands down here! (a hit to Moltar's face: "BLONNG!") MOLTAR: Come on, pretty boy! How's that feel? (a hit to Space Ghost's face: "THOKK!") You like that? You like that? ZORAK: (in cavern, over continued fighting from Space Ghost and Moltar) (To the death, you toads! Spread the hatred far and wide! [evil laugh]) (Space Ghost and Moltar continue punching each other ,under the grunts and groans and punches they continue arguing) SPACE GHOST: You're hurting me. MOLTAR: ??? that's my hand. SPACE GHOST: Not fair, let go of my cape. MOLTAR: ??? the mask. SPACE GHOST: Not the mask! Not the mask! INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION RESUME TRANSMISSION (In the control room, Space Ghost and Moltar are no longer fighting) SPACE GHOST: Well, Moltar, I... guess I lost the fight. MOLTAR: No, Space Ghost, I lost... the fight. SPACE GHOST: We both lost, therefore we both won. I apologize. MOLTAR: Aaaa, ya big lug. I love you too. SPACE GHOST: Give me a big old hug. (off camera) Ohhhh yeah! ZORAK: Frak! SPACE GHOST: (invisos to desk) Hello everybody! And now, back to the show. ZORAK: Pinhead. SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: Nothin'. Moltworm. SPACE GHOST: What did you say, just then? ZORAK: Nothin'! SPACE GHOST: I don't remember where... ZORAK: Snapdragon. SPACE GHOST: ... I heard that, you said 'snapdragon'. ZORAK: Did not! SPACE GHOST: Did too! ZORAK: (in Exorcist voice) Did Not! SPACE GHOST: That's creepy, idn't it? ZORAK: (in same voice) Yes. (evil laugh) SPACE GHOST: And now, let's welcome Erik Estrada. (appears on monitor) MOLTAR: Hang on a second, I, I wrote some questions for him. SPACE GHOST: Well, hurry up! MOLTAR: (walks out, plops down questions on Space Ghost's desk) Here! (walks off) SPACE GHOST: Welcome to the show, citizen! ERIK ESTRADA: Thank you! Hi, Moltar! (winks) MOLTAR: (still next to Space Ghost's desk) You're the man! Woo hoo!! Yeah!! SPACE GHOST: Gonna stand there all day? MOLTAR: I'm not hurtin' anything. Just talk. SPACE GHOST: Don't worry, I'll read your stupid questions. MOLTAR: You better. (walks off) SPACE GHOST: Moltar's first question... well, it's not really a question, it just says "Moltar is your number one fan." ERIK ESTRADA: Yeah, I know, we're buds. MOLTAR: You are the man! SPACE GHOST: Question t- MOLTAR: Wooooo! SPACE GHOST: (pause) Question two says: How do you handle the pressures of being an international sex symbol? ERIK ESTRADA: Ohhhhh, how do I handle it? Well, you just have to, just, you say, "Okay, thank you, I take that as a compliment." SPACE GHOST: Okay, thank you, I take that as a compliment. ERIK ESTRADA: And don't, don't get offended by it, or don't think that it gives you a license to... practice sex, with just anybody. SPACE GHOST: (pause) Okay. (Erik's and Space Ghost's smiles sparkle, to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star") ZORAK: (in cavern) (Oh, the sounds of happiness fester in my brain!) MOLTAR: Let me ask a question! ERIK ESTRADA: Sure! Go on, Molt. We know each other, I can call him Molt. (monitor shows text:) 10.07.78 DISASTER SQUAD MOLTAR: Woo doggie! ZORAK: (in Exorcist voice) Shut Up! MOLTAR: You and me, Zorak, after the show! ZORAK: (in same voice) You name the time, scab! MOLTAR: I thought I just did! ZORAK: (in normal voice) Oh, right. After the show. (screen goes dark, except for his eyes) (What am I becoming?) SPACE GHOST: Ask your question! MOLTAR: Okay! (monitor shows text:) 10.21.78 TRICK OR TREAT MOLTAR: (throws lever, Erik reappears on control room monitor) Erik, why was Sergeant Katrare always so mean? (monitor shows text:) 10.31.82 ROCK DEVIL ROCK ERIK ESTRADA: Well, the sergeant never got out of the station much. And he didn't get to ride and meet the people, meet all the children... MOLTAR: Or maybe your pants were too tight. Or maybe... (monitor shows text:) 03.03.79 CHP BMX ERIK ESTRADA: Oh... MOLTAR: (clears throat) Hey, remember the episode where you save Heather Locklear from the biker gang? (monitor shows text:) 02.03.79 RALLY 'ROUND THE BANK ERIK ESTRADA: Yes. MOLTAR: Oh, and, and remember the time when the skateboarder grabbed onto the back of that Chevy Malibu? ERIK ESTRADA: Right, right. (monitor shows text:) 09.22.79 ROLLER DISCO (PART 1) MOLTAR: And kept on skating? That was so cool! (monitor shows text:) 02.06.83 JOURNEY TO A SPACECRAFT ERIK ESTRADA: That wasn't very smart, that wasn't really cool. MOLTAR: Well, that's what I meant. That was totally uncool! ZORAK: Let the power of Ponch compel you! (repeats over and over) (monitor shows text:) 10.27.79 THE RETURN OF THE SUPERCYCLE MOLTAR: Shut up, Zorak! ERIK ESTRADA: Zorak? Who's Zorak? SPACE GHOST: That thing, over there! ERIK ESTRADA: That's pretty mean, huh? ZORAK: ... Let the power of Ponch compel you! ... (monitor shows text:) 10.21.78 TRICK OR TREAT MOLTAR: I said, shut up! You're wrecking my interview! ZORAK: ... Let the power of Ponch compel you! ... MOLTAR: Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up! (monitor shows text:) 10.06.77 DOG GONE SPACE GHOST: Stop yelling! (silence on the set) ERIK ESTRADA: Okay. ZORAK: Let the power of Ponch compel you! ... MOLTAR: Shut up! ??? you idiots anymore! ERIK ESTRADA: (pretending to talk into walkie-talkie) Hey, Baker, this is Seven Mary Three, we've got a 9-11 in progress, I need your audible, drop that burrito and get over here. (laughs) SPACE GHOST: A 9-1-1 in progress? Up, up and away! (flies off) ZORAK: ... Let the power of Ponch compel you! ... MOLTAR: You ruined my chance of a lifetime! ZORAK: ... Let the power of Ponch compel you! ... MOLTAR: Shut. Up. Shut up! ZORAK: (blows up) MOLTAR: Erik? Just gimme a second, I can fix it. (pulls lever, Erik blows up) Noooooo!!!! Oh no. (Moltar blows up) (Phantom Cruiser flies in space, with mellow music playing) SPACE GHOST: (mocking voice) "911, better hurry! 911!" Hate this job! Hey, it's hot in here. (sighs) Wonder if the air conditioner's broken... (turns knob) (Space Ghost blows up) (Credits roll) SPACE GHOST: Did we get all that on tape? |